Virginia's book – Butterscotch Sundaes: My Mom's Story of Alzheimer's is now in print and ready to order.

Please make check payable to:

Autumn Sparrow Press
12598 Magnolia Ave
Sanborn, MN 56083

Send check, along with shipping information to the above address. Sorry, no internet orders at this time.

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"When you live on the prairie like I do, every day you have a big sky. . . When a storm is approaching, there is plenty of warning as the colors deepen and the clouds roll past. A person can be in denial of the signs of the approaching storm by thinking, maybe it will miss him, maybe it will go to the south or to the north of him; and that person can choose to be outside working or playing until it gets drastic, until it hails or rains in sheets or until the wind blows strong. . . We had seen the storm clouds gathering and the signs of Alzheimer’s, but we didn’t want to call it that. . . One evening, the storm clouds that I had been ignoring for so long finally blew me a chilling revelation; that evening my mother didn’t know me as her daughter."

A long goodbye on the prairie

Book charts mother’s journey with Alzheimer’s

Story by Barb Purves

Virginia McCone wears many hats.

She’s a wife and mother of five children. She’s a grandmother. She’s the hostess of the Sod House Bed and Breakfast near Sanborn, MN. She writes a newspaper column. And now she’s an author.

"Butterscotch Sundaes" tells the story of her mother’s 20-year journey into Alzheimer’s disease. McCone says she was motivated to write the book because of her own wish during the long years of her mother’s illness. "I wished for a book to connect with someone who had been on the journey."

The task seemed daunting and presumptuous at first, she said. "I went to a Barnes & Nobles bookstore one day and was blown away." But then she was invited by Lois Bartholomew to join a writer’s group in nearby Walnut Grove; Lois is the published author of a novel, "The White Dove". With the group’s encouragement, McCone began, as she puts it, "to just tell my story."

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In many ways, Virginia McCone’s life parallels that of another figure who wrote against the backdrop of the prairie and from whom she’s drawn considerable inspiration -- Laura Ingalls Wilder. Though not contemporaries, Wilder and McCone can arguably be considered kindred spirits. Both began their writing careers later in life and were first published as newspaper columnists. "Laura Ingalls Wilder is my inspiration. My hat goes off to her."

Wilder’s homespun stories of life on the prairie tell not only of sunny times, but those spent in life’s shadows as well. Her enduring books describe storms, grasshopper plagues, prairie fires and sickness, like that which took the sight of her sister Mary.

Virginia McCone, too, writes from personal experience. "Butterscotch Sundaes", whose theme most would consider depressing, is nonetheless a hopeful and heartwarming story. "You can’t give away gloom, much less sell it," observed McCone.

Chapter titles in McCone’s book draw one into the story. In "Bright Colors, Ice Cream Sundaes" McCone tells of the wandering stage of her mother’s illness.

Crimson red, sky blue, kelly green, salmon orange and bright yellow were the colors for Mom’s new wardrobe. . . The color scheme was part of the plan for keeping track of Mom; she loved being outdoors; and I wanted her to have her freedom. Dressing her in bright colors made it easy for us to see her when she felt like wandering.

Most of the time, this strategy worked, writes McCone. However, there were times when Mom eluded the family, or when she went too far and couldn’t be coaxed back. "She stood on the road and tapped her walking stick on the gravel and acted like a stubborn child." This is when the family implemented what they termed their ice cream sundae tactic.

What’s the chance of having a Dairy Queen on the prairie? One in a million, I would say. . . Since Mom loved ice cream, especially butterscotch sundaes, when we invited her to go with us to the Dairy Queen, she would get in the car. By the time we returned, Mom had forgotten why she was upset. . .I think God put that Dairy Queen there just for us.

McCone’s story outlines the early signs and the family’s denial of the illness. It chronicles their efforts to keep it at bay and come to terms with it. In the chapter "The Clothesline Decision," McCone recounts the moment she reached the decision to place her mother in a care facility. "I was hanging out bed sheets… I was stretched, just like the sheets on the line, I was stretched."

The book gives readers lay-friendly and straightforward information about the nature of Alzheimer’s. McCone helps the reader understand a concept called validation. She explains the futility of trying to straighten out the thinking of the person with the disease.

At the cemetery, I took pictures of the headstones, close-ups so that we could read the words and the dates. I had Mom stand by the headstones. When Mom slipped into the past, the photos would keep her in the present by reminding her of the day we visited her family’s graves. My aim was to keep Mother in the present moment. That was the wrong approach to be taking, but I didn’t know that at the time. I needed to learn a concept called validation, learning to meet Mom where she was, in the past or in the present, and always on pleasant terms. It only brought her grief when I reminded her that her parents were dead.

McCone explains personality changes and a condition called sun downing. She walks the reader through the process of obtaining financial assistance. She relates her feelings of guilt and letting go. She shares her faith and the special moments she believes were gifts from God at times she especially needed reassurance. For those who feel a nursing home is a dreaded place, chapters like "A Special Home for Mom" and "Pink Nail Polish" help refute those fears. McCone has nothing but praise for the care her mother received at St. John Lutheran Home in nearby Springfield where her mother spent the last four and a half years of her life.

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Prairie walks bring peace and perspective to McCone as she reflects on the long journey she took with her mom. Her wish these days is to share with others just embarking on what can sometimes be a lonely and uncharted road.

Featured in magazines and in a History Channel documentary, The Sod House B &B draws guests from near and far. Not surprisingly, her guests, given the intimacy of the prairie experience, are drawn into the family circle. "I get great encouragement from my guests." The author has learned, as she connects with people from vastly different backgrounds, that there is an immediate interest and connection because most everyone has or will one day be touched by "the long good-bye."

Note: Virginia shares her unique viewpoint of her Mother’s illness as she speaks to groups. If you are looking for a keynote speaker, get in touch with her by e-mail or by phone. 507-723-5138.